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Archive for April, 2008

Apr 24,2008
  • New Year’s Day:
    There’s nothing like ringing in the New Year with a new tryst. Besides, who else are you going to have hold back your hair?
  • Valentine’s Day:
    Why save all your lovin’ for one person? Romance is all around us on February 14, so go on, spread the love.
  • St. Patrick’s Day:
    Kiss me, I’m horny. You don’t have to be Irish to take advantage of this holiday – all you need is a bit of Lucky Charm.
  • First Day of spring:
    Ah, you can sense that love is in the air. When you see all the birds and bees doin’ it, it just puts you in a frisky mood.
  • First Day of summer:
    You just can’t help yourself. People are wearing less clothing, which means a flood of impure thoughts, not to mention easier access.
  • Canada Day/Independence Day:
    There’s no better way to show off your national pride than having sex with a fellow patriot who’s not your significant other. Fireworks guaranteed!
  • Thanksgiving:
    Gobble, gobble! When it’s time to give thanks to all the blessings from the past year, count a steamy tryst as one of them.
  • Christmas:
    ‘Tis the season of giving. Unwrap that package and give’r ‘til it hurts.

There are certain times of the year when one’s thoughts instinctively turn to trysting. Mark these dates on your calendar

In Tryst we Trust

Apr 24,2008
  • Cheap motel: The cover of secrecy is crucial for the success of a tryst. However, think of all the other tysters who have “come” to that room before you, as well as the added adventure of a drug deal taking place in the room next to yours.
  • Your place: You know it’s clean and the price is right (free). But if an unknowing partner happens to come home early, you’d better make sure that the bedroom is located on the first floor.
  • Public place: The fear of getting caught is a high that enhances the experience. The act of getting caught kills it completely.
  • Work: You’ve fantasized about sweeping the papers and supplies off of your desk, and giving the sexy accountant in finance the rogering of their life. Great idea, but be sure the cubicle walls are high enough to block the security cameras, and do it after the cleaning crew has left for the day.
  • Pied-à-terre: Your Company may own one, and luckily for you, the boss has gone away and left the key to this quaint love shack unattended. Unfortunately for you, on the day you decide to use it for a clandestine tryst, someone else may be having the same thought. Isn’t it just your luck that you walk in on the CEO hogtied and being disciplined by that sexy accountant in finance.
  • Car: You can drive to whatever romantic setting strikes your fancy. On the down side, you’re going to have to explain how you got that bump on the back of your head, thanks to the space limitations of a hatchback.

The elusive “T” spot (aka the tryst spot) can take place in a variety of hot venues – each with its own pros and cons.  Be prepared!

In Tryst we Trust

Apr 23,2008
  • Condoms
    If you need to know why you should always have these handy, we’re surprised someone’s willing to sleep with you at all.
  • Change of clothes
    Good to have for either an hour – or a night-long rendezvous. You don’t want to bring any tainted evidence home with you.
  • Toiletries
    Hop in the shower and get rid of that forbidden sex smell. Hey, while you’re soaping up in there, why not go for round two?
  • Lube
    Cause everything’s more fun with lube! Oh, the possibilities…
  • Tide-to-Go
    This spot remover is pocket sized and gets rid of lipstick or any other Trysting stains quickly.
  • Toys
    Hand cuffs, blindfolds, whatever gets you going. Be creative but try not to scare your fellow Tryster. This is your chance to get a little kinky and try something you’ve never done before!
  • Top 10 list of excuses
    Think of it as your essential “cheat sheet.” Print out this handy list and memorize a few before you go home. We do not recommend writing this on your hand.
  • Phone number of a good divorce attorney
    Just in case you get made after you get laid.

Always be prepared
It was good advice when you were a scout/girl scout, and it remains good advice now.  Before you head out on your next tryst, be sure to pack your Tryst kit (aka. “First Laid Kit.”)

In Tryst we Trust

Apr 23,2008
  • Is it really worth it?
    Is this going to be a once-in-a-lifetime chance or just a romp with the office skank? You need to have standards – it’s best to decide what they are before jumping into it.
  • Are you that much of a catch?
    If the answer is a resounding “no,” then ask yourself, are you sure you want to risk losing that tolerant someone who puts up with you and all your crap?
  • What is the risk factor?
    Fact: There is a clear difference in risk hooking up with your significant other’s best friend, compared to that hot business associate in the Hong Kong office. The less likely you are to run into that person after you’ve done the deed, the more likely you are to get away with it. It’s Murphy’s Law people.
  • Is this person a potential “Bunny Boiler”?
    This is every tryster’s worst nightmare. Check the medicine cabinet for tell-tale meds. If you see anything labeled “Antipsychotic,” make a mad dash to the nearest exit. Do not pass go, do not collect discarded clothes.
  • Do you have a guilty conscience?If you’re a horrible liar and/or easily exude a guilty conscience, proceed with caution. Go to Vegas, and don’t come back until you’ve perfected your poker face.

Tough questions! Before you embark on that oh-so-tempting tryst, ask yourself these few deal-making and braking questions.

In Tryst we Trust

Top 10 Tryst excuses

Apr 23,2008
  • 1. Working late:
    It’s the one time you’re glad to have a job.
  • 2. Car problems:
    A flat tire, engine problems, faulty flux capacitor – something that warrants a tow truck.
  • 3. Family emergency:
    Your mom, an old aunt, even better, a sick dog – there’s a reason they call them man’s best friend.
  • 4. Cell phone issues:
    “Damn phone, you’d think they’d perfect this technology by now. I’m positive I charged it before I left the house!”
  • 5. Old friend in town:
    I haven’t seen [insert FAKE name here] in years, we had to catch up on old times with a couple of pints. Important note: make sure it’s not someone you actually know, that way, it can never come back to haunt you at your next class reunion.
  • 6. Date mix-up:
    “Were we supposed to go out last night? I’ve really got to fire my secretary.”
    Try not to snicker while saying this if your secretary was the one you had a Tryst with.
  • 7. Lights out:
    You can’t be doing anything wrong while you’re sleeping, so blame a poor sleep from the night before or call on your narcolepsy.
  • 8. Wardrobe malfunction:
    Ladies this one is for you – “I couldn’t go out with you looking like this. It made me look fat, I had nothing else to wear, and these shoes are so out season.”
    Bonus tip: start throwing around designer names and obscure colors. He’ll be so confused; he’ll let the matter drop.
  • 9. Tryst-tinnitus:
    ( Sniff ) “I think I’m coming down with something contagious, I’ll see you on the flip side.”
    ( Cough, Cough )
  • 10. Abducted and probed by aliens:
    If they didn’t buy the last nine excuses, what the hell else do you have to lose? Plus, it will explain why you’re walking like that.

About to be made? No excuse!
Reffer to top 10 excuses to explain your whereabouts after your latest tryst.

In Tryst we Trust