Our past couple of posts have been about dating in general, but let’s get back to basics before we ramp up for the holidays by talking about a specific kind of trysting: the extramarital affair. Here are a couple of things you can do to foster a healthy extramarital affair. These tips apply if you are the one already in a relationship and your affair partner is not, but it also works when your affair partner is also cheating.


Make the first move.

Whether it’s the very beginning of the relationship, or the time between hook ups, it’s important for you to make the first move. Here’s why. Assuming that your affair partner is aware that you are in a relationship with someone else, then they may feel the need to be cautious when contacting you or hesitant to contact you at all because they are worried it might be an inconvenient time for you. This rules out many small signs of affection like mid-day-“how is your day?” texts, and small ways of keeping the romance going like picking them up for surprise dates. Your affair partner values what you have, and may not want your partner to find out. So, that’s why it’s important for you to make the first move, which gives your affair partner the opportunity to reciprocate.


Don’t worry about response times.

We’re in a different game here, where it’s understood that the people involved have other commitments and shifting priorities. If you take the first step in texting or calling, it also means that you will be the one waiting for a response. Remember, the same way that you have engagements that may take more than a couple of hours, it is likely your affair partner also does too. If they don’t respond right away, it doesn’t mean they want to end things.


Be appreciative.

It never hurts to say thank you. Letting your affair partner know you appreciate them and the things they do for you is as important as it is in any other relationship. Whether’s making them dinner on a night in or bringing flowers to your next date, there are a number of small things you can do to show you appreciate them.